remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
