From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
