420 ftw
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
