Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
