I need help removing her.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
