True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
