After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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