I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
