Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
