she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize