I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
