I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
