Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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