She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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