Yo dont text me then not text me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
