Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
