is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's like iHOP with fire
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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