Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize