Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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