my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
