i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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