omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
