Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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