guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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