When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
