I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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