It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
