Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
