So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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