Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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