somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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