Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
operation have a gay friend backfired
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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