sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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