I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
