How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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