I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
