Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
