tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
