We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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