Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
