So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
