They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
