My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize