after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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