I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
is wine microwaveable?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
