I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
