I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
