All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
