Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
