My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
