My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
