I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
