And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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