I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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