Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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