I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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