So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
