awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
