also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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