addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
