there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
