What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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