My nipple is on Facebook.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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