why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
