I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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