Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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