Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
