She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She bit a glass in half.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
