I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
