not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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