Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
