You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
