Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize