I wish I could teleport
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
