Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
