I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
