Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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