It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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