I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
